Okay, this is cool.
Are you right or left brained? Click to find out. Hopefully, you are one or the other.
Yes. Yes, I am procrastinating...
And thanks, Kim, for the promise to pray for my weekend angst.
Note: Think of a celebrity that you should be or are praying for. Beginning at 2:30 today (central time) you'll have a chance to share that person's name in the comment section of my post for the day. And if you are one of the three names I draw out of a hat (okay, not a hat, actually a clean coffee mug if I can find one) you'll get a copy of Amy Grant's new biography, Mosaic. I'll give you til 2:30 central tomorrow and I'll announce the winners on Thursday.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Scribble and Scrambles - Monday Mime Meltdown
I just received a threat from a friend. The good-natured kind implying bodily harm if I do not update my blog.
Fine then, don’t let me bask in the cozy gray Iowa afternoon. Don’t let me continue to procrastinate as I am so wont to do.
What shall I write? Methinks my brain is squeezed and stretched from a too short weekend and the thoughts of the upcoming weekend that promises stress, churning stomach acid, angst and …did I say stress.
A double dose of stress? Yes. You may wonder what could possibly fill my weekend with extreme stress. Here it is. This is what I’ve done. I’ve accepted a speaking gig. “Why?” you might ask. Because I am prone to be a puppy when something sounds fun. And I felt honored to be asked. Lastly, it’s a topic God and I have worked on a bit in my own life. Guess what my topic is? Pressing On.
That sounds all good and lovely, but I’ve been doing a really great job of that lately (dripping with sarcasm). Oh, I can talk about stubborn. I have a wide streak of that, but pressing on sounds so Biblical and so above where I am currently at in my anemic walk with God.
Help! (the sound of hyperventilating) Did I mention that I do okay in public speaking? Once I get over the moment when I wrestle down the dry heaves. And my voice comes back to normal after the wibbly-wobbly “out of the gates” beginning.
People laugh at me when I talk but when they expect me to be funny…when they pay me to be funny it’s no laughing matter. What if I can’t do funny? What if a moment of melancholy wraps around me and smothers all the humor right out of me?
I gave them two pieces I’d written to promote the event. One was a deeply spiritual poem about falling into God, the other a piece on why I struggle with mimes. They chose the mimes. I do not feel funny today. Will I tomorrow? Will I Friday?
If any of you suggest I dress like a mime and do my segments without words we will not be amused.
There X-ta – or should I say Stress-ta…the blog is updated. Maybe I should start working on some speeches now.
Fine then, don’t let me bask in the cozy gray Iowa afternoon. Don’t let me continue to procrastinate as I am so wont to do.
What shall I write? Methinks my brain is squeezed and stretched from a too short weekend and the thoughts of the upcoming weekend that promises stress, churning stomach acid, angst and …did I say stress.
A double dose of stress? Yes. You may wonder what could possibly fill my weekend with extreme stress. Here it is. This is what I’ve done. I’ve accepted a speaking gig. “Why?” you might ask. Because I am prone to be a puppy when something sounds fun. And I felt honored to be asked. Lastly, it’s a topic God and I have worked on a bit in my own life. Guess what my topic is? Pressing On.
That sounds all good and lovely, but I’ve been doing a really great job of that lately (dripping with sarcasm). Oh, I can talk about stubborn. I have a wide streak of that, but pressing on sounds so Biblical and so above where I am currently at in my anemic walk with God.
Help! (the sound of hyperventilating) Did I mention that I do okay in public speaking? Once I get over the moment when I wrestle down the dry heaves. And my voice comes back to normal after the wibbly-wobbly “out of the gates” beginning.
People laugh at me when I talk but when they expect me to be funny…when they pay me to be funny it’s no laughing matter. What if I can’t do funny? What if a moment of melancholy wraps around me and smothers all the humor right out of me?
I gave them two pieces I’d written to promote the event. One was a deeply spiritual poem about falling into God, the other a piece on why I struggle with mimes. They chose the mimes. I do not feel funny today. Will I tomorrow? Will I Friday?
If any of you suggest I dress like a mime and do my segments without words we will not be amused.
There X-ta – or should I say Stress-ta…the blog is updated. Maybe I should start working on some speeches now.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Serials and Scenarios - Creston Somebody
Nobody's author, Creston Mapes dropped by dregs to share a bit about life and writing.
Fiction character you would most like to be or most identify with and why?
The guy from Randall Arthur's books (Wisdom Hunter, Brotherhood of Betrayal, and Jordan's Crossing)...because I have struggled with legalis, fought it in the church, and can't stand it. Jesus hated it when the scribes and pharisees added man-made traditions on to His Word. Have you guys read these books? They're old, but great. Go get em! (Thank me later, Randall).
If you could ask any person, living or dead, a random question -- what question would you ask of whom?
"What's it like in the after-life, Dad?"
Some out there in writing land have strange rituals. Share yours.
Not so strange, but I add 2-5 loose sentences at the end of the day which tell where the story will go the next day. That way, I get busy right off the bat the next morning, and don't just sit there and stare at a blank screen.
If you could change something in any novel, what would you change about it and why?
All of the above! Plus, flying..... Also,
In my new book, in the author letter at the back, there is a typo. I would change it from "blook" to "book!" I would also include people I forgot to mention in the acknowledgments.
What crayon in the box describes you on a good day? Bad day? Which one do you aspire to be?
Good day=yellow...............Bad day=gray...............Aspire to be=rainbow
Favorite turn of phrase or word picture, in literature or movie.
"Coffee, coffee, coffee!" Jack Lemon said this in the movie, The Apartment. My Dad used to say it all the time. Now my wife and I do the same!
If you were assured of writing a best-seller, what genre would it be?
Contemporary. Not necessarily suspense, but possibly suspense. It takes an ordinary circumstance and turns it upside down with intrigue. You "MUST" know what happens next!
What period of history intrigues you the most?
The fifties. It seemed innocent and fun.
What would you write if there were no rules or barriers? (epic novels about characters in the Bible, poetry, greeting cards, plays, movies, instruction manuals, etc.)
Fiction with a strong Christian message, but fiction that is completely true and real and genuine, even if that means being graphic in nature, including with language. Although, if I could do this, I don't know if I would want to, because I care a lot about what my children think of my stories.
What makes you feel alive?
Driving down the road with the windows down and the music up......Rough housing with my kids.....Holding hands with my wife on a date.....worshipping in spirit and truth.
How does something worm its way into your heart? Through tears, truth, humor or other?
Over time, God, keeps bringing it up periodically until it is undeniable and unavoidable.
Book, music, person, food you would take with you on a very long trip.
An Elizabeth Musser book I haven't read yet (I've read and enjoyed The Swan House and Searching for Eternity).......My wife.......Trail mix.
Where would you most like to travel ----- moon, north pole, deep seas, deserted island, the holy land or back to a place from your childhood, somewhere else? – and why.
The Pacific Northwest....Portland, Seattle.....I've always had a yearning to get out there, but never have. I love the rain and changing weather. I love the looks of the lush greenery in and around those cities, the surrounding landscape, nearby mountains and water....Very romantic appeal.
Favorite season and why?
Here in Atlanta I love fall, winter, and spring. Just not summer. Anything but summer. ...Way too humid.
Favorite book setting and why?
My own books, Dark Star and Full Tilt, because they were set "on the road" with a rock superstar, which I felt was completely intriguing.
Which compliment related to your writing has meant the most and why?
I received this note today. It's letters like these that mean the world to me, because I got into fiction writing to touch lives and draw people closer to Christ. So, when it's working, it's glorious:
"Well I just finished reading Dark Star and I have to say this is probably my favorite book besides the Bible of course. You did a great job sir. Thank you for having such a sensitive heart towards the Lord. This book has truly inspired me to live a better life for the Lord and has made me understand the importance of prayer."---from an 18-year-old in Little Rock who is joining the Navy.
What criticism has cut the deepest and why?
One amazon reviewer said the main character in DARK STAR--rocker Everett Lester--was unrealistic. It wasn't signed by Mic Jagger or Steven Tyler, but apparently the guy knows more than I do about living the rock lifestyle!
Hey, when we get a bad review, at least we can say we're in the arena playing the game, rather than sitting on the sidelines critiquing it!
What would you do today if you knew you had only a week to live?
Take my family to the beach. Spend time with my mom and brother and sister.
What is your favorite word?
"Impossible."
What word annoys you more than any other?
When someone says, "It's 'awfully' nice outside."
Superhero you most admire and why?
I loved the old Batman , because he gave me something to look forward to when I got home from school when I was a kid.
Super power you'd love to borrow for awhile?
To fly, of course. But I don't do this because....well, see my answer next question.
Anything you'd do but don't because of fear of pain? What is it? Ex. Bungee jumping, sky diving, running with scissors.
...uh, see above answer.
Favorite chore
Cooking dinner.
Societal pet peeve…sound off.
Some criminals get off the hook too easy. Others get too stiff a penalty.
Thanks for dropping by, Creston, and Dregites. Have a great weekend.
Fiction character you would most like to be or most identify with and why?
The guy from Randall Arthur's books (Wisdom Hunter, Brotherhood of Betrayal, and Jordan's Crossing)...because I have struggled with legalis, fought it in the church, and can't stand it. Jesus hated it when the scribes and pharisees added man-made traditions on to His Word. Have you guys read these books? They're old, but great. Go get em! (Thank me later, Randall).
If you could ask any person, living or dead, a random question -- what question would you ask of whom?
"What's it like in the after-life, Dad?"
Some out there in writing land have strange rituals. Share yours.
Not so strange, but I add 2-5 loose sentences at the end of the day which tell where the story will go the next day. That way, I get busy right off the bat the next morning, and don't just sit there and stare at a blank screen.
If you could change something in any novel, what would you change about it and why?
All of the above! Plus, flying..... Also,
In my new book, in the author letter at the back, there is a typo. I would change it from "blook" to "book!" I would also include people I forgot to mention in the acknowledgments.
What crayon in the box describes you on a good day? Bad day? Which one do you aspire to be?
Good day=yellow...............Bad day=gray...............Aspire to be=rainbow
Favorite turn of phrase or word picture, in literature or movie.
"Coffee, coffee, coffee!" Jack Lemon said this in the movie, The Apartment. My Dad used to say it all the time. Now my wife and I do the same!
If you were assured of writing a best-seller, what genre would it be?
Contemporary. Not necessarily suspense, but possibly suspense. It takes an ordinary circumstance and turns it upside down with intrigue. You "MUST" know what happens next!
What period of history intrigues you the most?
The fifties. It seemed innocent and fun.
What would you write if there were no rules or barriers? (epic novels about characters in the Bible, poetry, greeting cards, plays, movies, instruction manuals, etc.)
Fiction with a strong Christian message, but fiction that is completely true and real and genuine, even if that means being graphic in nature, including with language. Although, if I could do this, I don't know if I would want to, because I care a lot about what my children think of my stories.
What makes you feel alive?
Driving down the road with the windows down and the music up......Rough housing with my kids.....Holding hands with my wife on a date.....worshipping in spirit and truth.
How does something worm its way into your heart? Through tears, truth, humor or other?
Over time, God, keeps bringing it up periodically until it is undeniable and unavoidable.
Book, music, person, food you would take with you on a very long trip.
An Elizabeth Musser book I haven't read yet (I've read and enjoyed The Swan House and Searching for Eternity).......My wife.......Trail mix.
Where would you most like to travel ----- moon, north pole, deep seas, deserted island, the holy land or back to a place from your childhood, somewhere else? – and why.
The Pacific Northwest....Portland, Seattle.....I've always had a yearning to get out there, but never have. I love the rain and changing weather. I love the looks of the lush greenery in and around those cities, the surrounding landscape, nearby mountains and water....Very romantic appeal.
Favorite season and why?
Here in Atlanta I love fall, winter, and spring. Just not summer. Anything but summer. ...Way too humid.
Favorite book setting and why?
My own books, Dark Star and Full Tilt, because they were set "on the road" with a rock superstar, which I felt was completely intriguing.
Which compliment related to your writing has meant the most and why?
I received this note today. It's letters like these that mean the world to me, because I got into fiction writing to touch lives and draw people closer to Christ. So, when it's working, it's glorious:
"Well I just finished reading Dark Star and I have to say this is probably my favorite book besides the Bible of course. You did a great job sir. Thank you for having such a sensitive heart towards the Lord. This book has truly inspired me to live a better life for the Lord and has made me understand the importance of prayer."---from an 18-year-old in Little Rock who is joining the Navy.
What criticism has cut the deepest and why?
One amazon reviewer said the main character in DARK STAR--rocker Everett Lester--was unrealistic. It wasn't signed by Mic Jagger or Steven Tyler, but apparently the guy knows more than I do about living the rock lifestyle!
Hey, when we get a bad review, at least we can say we're in the arena playing the game, rather than sitting on the sidelines critiquing it!
What would you do today if you knew you had only a week to live?
Take my family to the beach. Spend time with my mom and brother and sister.
What is your favorite word?
"Impossible."
What word annoys you more than any other?
When someone says, "It's 'awfully' nice outside."
Superhero you most admire and why?
I loved the old Batman , because he gave me something to look forward to when I got home from school when I was a kid.
Super power you'd love to borrow for awhile?
To fly, of course. But I don't do this because....well, see my answer next question.
Anything you'd do but don't because of fear of pain? What is it? Ex. Bungee jumping, sky diving, running with scissors.
...uh, see above answer.
Favorite chore
Cooking dinner.
Societal pet peeve…sound off.
Some criminals get off the hook too easy. Others get too stiff a penalty.
Thanks for dropping by, Creston, and Dregites. Have a great weekend.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Scribble and Scrambles - Open Letter to Julianna
21 years ago I entered into an early labor. Life had recently become a challenge, and my marriage was on the rocks. A preemie baby choosing to come at midnight made me weak in the knees and my teeth chattered as I called my husband and then my parents to tell them that our plans had been changed without our consent.
Shivering, I waited as fluid dripped down my legs and my teeth rat-tatted together from fear of the unknown.
A quick rush to surgery for a C-section complete with moments of terror when I realized the anesthesiologist paid more attention to his Stephen King novel than his panicked patient who struggled to breathe and instead of calming down hyperventilated.
And then she was born. A baby girl, whisked to the warming lights and a medical team who called out foreign words and numbers. "She's having a little trouble. Say hello real quick, we need to get to work." Strapped down, I couldn't touch her - you. Your dusky skin confirmed my fears. And since I'd had a spinal I wouldn't be able to visit you for 12 hours. So I laid flat, helplessly waiting for news of you.
Several hours later, the nurse brought you in for a short visit. As I gazed into your eyes, I saw a wise little soul. You stared at me, and I could only imagine you as a 5-year-old in braids and little wire-rimmed eyeglasses. Of all the names we'd considered, Julianna Elizabeth, seemed to fit you best.
After the initial scare, the rocky beginning of being born into a family that was unraveling at the seams, we all began to grow and heal and knit together.
My smiling baby turned into a toddler who loved babies, into a little girl who played with snakes and bugs, into a teen with a mind of her own, into a young woman who began to listen to God and made Him her own, all overnight.
Can I offer you 21 reasons for why I love you? It's just the beginning.
21 - You wear your emotions on your sleeve...this is both crazy making and wonderful and never boring.
20 - You carry sunshine.
19 - You've never lost your childlike wonder.
18 - You have great taste in friends.
17 - Little old ladies, burly men, kids love you.
16 - Just about any situation is fun when you are around.
15 - You love Jesus.
14 - You are generous with what you have and who you are.
13 - Laughter is an art form in your hands.
12 - You are the Pied Piper of pets. : )
11 - You're heart is 20 times the size of the Grinch's after his grew.
10 - You collect beauty.
9 - You reflect beauty.
8 - You attract beauty.
7 - Even when you are crabby, you make me laugh.
6 - I have a million of memories of you that make me smile.
5 - Quirk becomes you.
4 - You have become one of my best friends.
3 - Your heart is a beautiful thing to behold.
2 - I know you've always thought I was kidding...but I seriously do want to be just like you when I grow up.
1 - You bring joy, zest, fun and Jesus into my life and the lives of everyone you touch.
Thank you...I love you...and I look forward to millions more memories with you.
Happy 21st Birthday!
Your Mom/Buddy/Secret Admirer.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Serials and Scenarios - Nobody
Nobody (Click on book cover to visit Amazon page)
Visit Creston Mapes
My Review:
Humanity deals with several major questions often wrestling with them at two a.m. or during crisis. The big one is “Does God exist?” But the more troubling, “Does my life matter?” steals more sleep.
Nobody is a book that explores the second question through compelling storytelling. Creston Mapes has grown as a writer and the tightness of his prose makes Nobody a tense read as Chester, a millionaire “nobody” manages to change lives as a homeless man on the streets of Las Vegas. More amazing is the effect of his murder on the people left behind.
Told as a multiple first person narrative the plot moves smoothly from the first minutes after Chester’s murder to the beginning of justice for his murderer.
Nobody works well as a modern retelling of the parable of talents. It's worth digging into and scratching the “Does my life make a difference?” itch.
Come back Friday for an interview with Creston.
Scribble and Scrambles - Perilous Shopping Part 2
I almost feel hypocritical. I went shopping yesterday in several stores and I even browsed at one. Does it count that I had Christmas in mind? I hope so. And a wedding shower to buy for, one where I'm in charge of the games and the gifts for the winners and a gift made up of many gifts as one of the games. So I'm vindicated right? If any of the locals who read my blog saw me, I shopped willingly only because of agenda provocation.
Now, since the crushing burden of my shopping trip has been lifted through publicly restating and justifying my reasons for disliking the activity...I return to my story. (and thanks, Janet, for your thoughtful and extremely convicting comment on part 1. )
Several of you won't believe this. Most of you will, especially if you remember the post regarding my grand entrance into the Dallas hotel...the one stopped dead by the glass revolving door.
Grace is not my middle name.
Two of my tricky female housemates (the older two who drive and have a bit of expendable income) talked me into a visit to Target and J C Penneys. Okay. Two stores...how do I forget their sneakiness between the bad experiences?
Of course I went. At least they are entertaining.
Penneys and Target are a mall apart. Both anchor stores with many, many, many stores between. After the seventh "just a quick look around," I told them I'd meet up with them in Target and headed out.
This is where it gets a bit indelicate. I apologize for airing dirty laundry or describing a women's restroom to my more gentle readers. A simple click will save you further reading. Ready? Click.
Now for the rest of you...here goes. I had to use the facility. This is really common. My mother once told me my bladder must be the size of a pea. Maybe, maybe not, but Rob claims that I know every bathroom along every piece of interstate ever traveled.
Methinks he exaggerates. Except for the one time in Kansas City. That was unfortunate and a story for another day.
Back to Target, specifically Target's restroom. I'm uncertain about the details involved. I'm pretty sure I did not lose consciousness, but somehow in the point between entering the stall with bags and baggage and the refilling of the toilet bowl with clean water, I realized that a chunk of toilet seat bobbed on the water like a lonely chunk of ice during the spring thaw.
I think I broke the toilet.
What would you do?
I knew it wouldn't go down the hole and clog the toilet since it rode the white water like a well used kayak. I wondered what I'd do with the piece if I scooped it out. Throw it in the trash? Had I actually been the one who broke it? Were there hidden cameras? Did I really want to stick my hand in a public toilet?
So, I decided to blog about it. If you're from Target...sorry. Next time I'll have an action plan.
Now, since the crushing burden of my shopping trip has been lifted through publicly restating and justifying my reasons for disliking the activity...I return to my story. (and thanks, Janet, for your thoughtful and extremely convicting comment on part 1. )
Several of you won't believe this. Most of you will, especially if you remember the post regarding my grand entrance into the Dallas hotel...the one stopped dead by the glass revolving door.
Grace is not my middle name.
Two of my tricky female housemates (the older two who drive and have a bit of expendable income) talked me into a visit to Target and J C Penneys. Okay. Two stores...how do I forget their sneakiness between the bad experiences?
Of course I went. At least they are entertaining.
Penneys and Target are a mall apart. Both anchor stores with many, many, many stores between. After the seventh "just a quick look around," I told them I'd meet up with them in Target and headed out.
This is where it gets a bit indelicate. I apologize for airing dirty laundry or describing a women's restroom to my more gentle readers. A simple click will save you further reading. Ready? Click.
Now for the rest of you...here goes. I had to use the facility. This is really common. My mother once told me my bladder must be the size of a pea. Maybe, maybe not, but Rob claims that I know every bathroom along every piece of interstate ever traveled.
Methinks he exaggerates. Except for the one time in Kansas City. That was unfortunate and a story for another day.
Back to Target, specifically Target's restroom. I'm uncertain about the details involved. I'm pretty sure I did not lose consciousness, but somehow in the point between entering the stall with bags and baggage and the refilling of the toilet bowl with clean water, I realized that a chunk of toilet seat bobbed on the water like a lonely chunk of ice during the spring thaw.
I think I broke the toilet.
What would you do?
I knew it wouldn't go down the hole and clog the toilet since it rode the white water like a well used kayak. I wondered what I'd do with the piece if I scooped it out. Throw it in the trash? Had I actually been the one who broke it? Were there hidden cameras? Did I really want to stick my hand in a public toilet?
So, I decided to blog about it. If you're from Target...sorry. Next time I'll have an action plan.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Scribble and Scrambles - The Perils of Shopping
I may have mentioned this before. Forgive me if it's old news.
I stink at being a girlie-girl, at least in one area anyway. The area of shopping.
I used to have a purse obsession. I needed one, a new one, at least twice a month. As you can imagine, this adds up and involved much shopping. I was younger then, but it began to chafe so it became a short-lived obsession.
Then I moved on to the gray sweater stage. Not just any sweater, but a gray sweater. I still don't understand this particular desire. I'm not sure anyone looks fabulous in gray. "Hey, Marge your coloring just screams for gray."
Shopping for children took over from there. Really, babies need to have a hundred outfits in each size because you never know when they'll blow out a diaper. Fortunately, children develop likes and dislikes and soon enough they began to wear the same three things over and over again, so eventually I gave up on this one.
So I moved onto decorating my not-quite-completed house. Do I have to go into details, here? Not pretty. Let's just say if I liked it five years ago, it's pretty unlikely that I'll love it today.
Now in the waning season of life with girls who LOVE back to school shopping, Christmas shopping, post-Christmas sale shopping, Easter dress shopping (...I think you get the idea, right?) has soured me on the whole idea of piling into the car and driving to the mall. Shopping with my girls turns into more than I signed on for. LOOKING at EVERYTHING, DEBATING it, PUTTING it down, WAFFLING, returning to pick said item up and then TRYING it on make the shopping experience as pleasant as a trip to the dentist, without anesthesia. I don't know...maybe that's too overdone, how about as much fun as a kidney stone.
i hate shopping.
Oh, give me a list or a gift card to a specific store and I'll give er a rip. But...please...whimper...don't ask me to troll the mall with you.
My girls have gotten creative. "Mom. I need a pair of pants. Just need to go to Old Navy or Target." Do you know how many stores there are between Old Navy and Target in my mall? An educated guess...three hours worth. Dressing rooms number fifteen. Two coffee shops. That's right, only two. Two coffees over three hours and countless minutes waiting for the squealing, whimpering girl to come out of the dressing room to show herself...and then ponder whether or not she really wants the item. If I am expected to undergo this torture I should have an IV with painkillers or at least one of those hats with the sippy straws that hold two cans. I'd fill it with tall dark roasts and cream. Then I think I could do it.
So I'll have to tell you about my latest shopping encounter...but I'm running out of space. To be continued...
I stink at being a girlie-girl, at least in one area anyway. The area of shopping.
I used to have a purse obsession. I needed one, a new one, at least twice a month. As you can imagine, this adds up and involved much shopping. I was younger then, but it began to chafe so it became a short-lived obsession.
Then I moved on to the gray sweater stage. Not just any sweater, but a gray sweater. I still don't understand this particular desire. I'm not sure anyone looks fabulous in gray. "Hey, Marge your coloring just screams for gray."
Shopping for children took over from there. Really, babies need to have a hundred outfits in each size because you never know when they'll blow out a diaper. Fortunately, children develop likes and dislikes and soon enough they began to wear the same three things over and over again, so eventually I gave up on this one.
So I moved onto decorating my not-quite-completed house. Do I have to go into details, here? Not pretty. Let's just say if I liked it five years ago, it's pretty unlikely that I'll love it today.
Now in the waning season of life with girls who LOVE back to school shopping, Christmas shopping, post-Christmas sale shopping, Easter dress shopping (...I think you get the idea, right?) has soured me on the whole idea of piling into the car and driving to the mall. Shopping with my girls turns into more than I signed on for. LOOKING at EVERYTHING, DEBATING it, PUTTING it down, WAFFLING, returning to pick said item up and then TRYING it on make the shopping experience as pleasant as a trip to the dentist, without anesthesia. I don't know...maybe that's too overdone, how about as much fun as a kidney stone.
i hate shopping.
Oh, give me a list or a gift card to a specific store and I'll give er a rip. But...please...whimper...don't ask me to troll the mall with you.
My girls have gotten creative. "Mom. I need a pair of pants. Just need to go to Old Navy or Target." Do you know how many stores there are between Old Navy and Target in my mall? An educated guess...three hours worth. Dressing rooms number fifteen. Two coffee shops. That's right, only two. Two coffees over three hours and countless minutes waiting for the squealing, whimpering girl to come out of the dressing room to show herself...and then ponder whether or not she really wants the item. If I am expected to undergo this torture I should have an IV with painkillers or at least one of those hats with the sippy straws that hold two cans. I'd fill it with tall dark roasts and cream. Then I think I could do it.
So I'll have to tell you about my latest shopping encounter...but I'm running out of space. To be continued...
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