Friday, September 18, 2009
Hmm. It's Friday. My brain is a little crusty after a long day at work. I feel a touch lazy and not at all creative. What shall I post? ARGH! The pressure. Argh.
No! WAIT! I've got it.
Tomorrow is national talk like a pirate day!
Now, I suffer from a bit of tongue over-exuberance and/or loafing. This can make for some creative words and sounds. This seems like a bad problem to have when attempting to talk pirate. Let me demonstrate with a little skit.
Black Forehead: (The first cousin to Blue Beard. Black Forehead began his career as a galley rat and learned the art of barbecuing the hard way. Never, never, never have open flames on roiling seas.) "ARGH, Missy! I'll take a keg of grog on the double or into the sea with ye!" (Followed by the sound of his large spoon arm replacement whacking the poop deck rail.) (The spoon arm was earned during the veggie garnishing lesson well learned. Never, never, never carve a swan during a squall.)
ME: inhale/swallow/gulp...cough. cough. cough. cough, which when forced through an unhappy windpipe sounds like "ARgh! Argh! Argh! Stuff it!" to a pirate with a powerful thirst.
This scenario ends with poor me at the wrong end of pirate implements and very wet.
Save yourself some embarrassment and possibly even limbs.
Alternative Pirate Celebration Styles:
1) Mute pirate. Simply respond with appropriate facial expressions backed with enthusiasm. Does the situation call for arghing and growling, pull out the mean pirate face. If all else fails carry a thermos of grog.
2) Shadow pirate. Lurk. Hide and respond only as the other, braver land-lubbers respond. Eventually you'll be invited to go on a raid. Pirates love yes men.
3) Drunken pirate. You may want to stay off the grog but you can still pretend to be under the influence. The worst thing that will happen, should you inadvertently offend a pirate friend, is a toss in the drink. Just make sure you can swim before employing this technique.
Happy National Talk Like a Pirate Day. I'm hoping this public service announcement will save at least an eye or two. ARGH!
If you want a hilarious "parenting" book, check out the link via the book cover.