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Change. I've learned to embrace it, ride it out til the end. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming, other times weeping with my eyes clinched tight. Once in awhile I ride like a dog in a car, head out the window snorting what life has to offer. Mother to young adult children, a marriage of thirty years, and a desert to mountain to valley waltz with God have shaped me into someone I never imagined I'd be. Life is short and I want to live it. Tears, sighs, laughter and change. Every morsel granted to me. Scrambled, shaken or stirred.

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Scribbles, Scrambles and Scrambling

I love my kids. 

Really adore them. All three of them have grown into some pretty amazing adults that I consider favorites to hang out with.  

The past few weeks have been challenging for each of them. We are a little over a year from when our adopting mama daughter got Little Sister in a sudden turn of events. Little One spent all winter and most of the spring with our family and it was such a blessing. She is so missed by all of us. And yet we walk the line of hoping bio mom stays sober and can be a mommy to her and still praying that if bio mom can't that Little One would come back to her Heart Mama and our family. Her picture filled our 2016 calendar and we know that a year after those photos were taken so much has changed. She will have so much more hair, and so much more of life has touched her and shaped her. It was hard to take that calendar off the wall. In a grand show of grace a baby boy has joined the family. This one is a fragile hope. My heart is clutched in his tiny hand. As are all of the hearts. How can a baby with the fist the size of a Nilla Wafer hold so many hearts? My prayer is that he stays and never has an overnight visit. My heart knows that this is a state that is a reunification state. And that he may go the path of Little One. Right now I will love him, snuggle him, pour into him and pray for him and trust that God watches over him regardless of where he will be. 

Our son and daughter-in-law have said yes to foster care and have brought a little sibling group into their home. These two little ones are instant members and full-on love grandchildren. They are a joy. And a source of ache because they, too, are in a reunification situation. Oh, Lord, sometimes loving hurts so much. 

Our youngest daughter had a life quake shake her world. She and our little roly-poly baby boy moved in in November. Not sure how long it will be but we had been making room for our other babies. The nest was ready. It doesn't look good for full healing and restoration, not the way things are going right now. There is prayer, and hope, but there are also human choices and some of them just suck. I'm so proud of her for thinking first about her baby boy, and secondly about the mercy and grace that need to be extended in order for her to feel able to look herself in the eye in the mirror and know she has been above board. She is being gracious and kind in a situation where no one would blame her for choosing ugly revengeful game play. 

So right now we just pull in, wrap our arms around these precious ones and hold tight in the storms. And we remember that we have Christ and He can fill us so full of His love that we can and do overflow with it. What does that love look like? Oh, it's a beautiful thing. It makes people want to risk heart ache for the sake of others. It causes folks to stand up for orphans and the lost. It looks broken souls in the eye and says "You are precious, and valuable and forgiveable." 

1 Corinthians 13Amplified Bible (AMP)

The Excellence of Love

13 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not [a]love [for others growing out of God’s love for me], then I have become only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal [just an annoying distraction]. And if I have the gift of prophecy [and speak a new message from God to the people], and understand all mysteries, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love [reaching out to others], I am nothing. If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body [b]to be burned, but do not have love, it does me no good at all.
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].
Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. But as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for the gift of special knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part [for our knowledge is fragmentary and incomplete]. 10 But when that which is complete and perfect comes, that which is incomplete and partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12 For now [in this time of imperfection] we see in a mirror dimly [a blurred reflection, a riddle, an enigma], but then [when the time of perfection comes we will see reality] face to face. Now I know in part [just in fragments], but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known [by God].13 And now there remain: faith [abiding trust in God and His promises], hope [confident expectation of eternal salvation], love [unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me], these three [the choicest graces]; but the greatest of these is love.


2 comments:

Robin in NC said...

I can't even imagine what it must feel like to give up these little ones! Foster parents must have a special place in Heaven reserved for them!!

Kelly Klepfer said...

Thanks, Robin. I agree. It's real, real hard. The sentiment repeated over and over again in the training is "Love them like your own and know that they aren't and likely never will be." It's an impossible thing. An absolute calling.