Change. I've learned to embrace it, ride it out til the end. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming, other times weeping with my eyes clinched tight. Once in awhile I ride like a dog in a car, head out the window snorting what life has to offer. Mother to young adult children, a marriage of thirty years, and a desert to mountain to valley waltz with God have shaped me into someone I never imagined I'd be. Life is short and I want to live it. Tears, sighs, laughter and change. Every morsel granted to me. Scrambled, shaken or stirred.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I've been pondering a series of thoughts all day while I finished up some of my Christmas preparations.
The first thoughts are focused on my failures... I didn't get cards done again. That my house will not be Martha Stewart approved. The foods are going to be basic and comfort foods. I don't have a single perfect relationship that isn't tainted by my failures and the failures of others. Tinsel and bows and shiny paper will never even come close to repairing the broken things in my life.
The second series of thoughts center around my focuses. Why is this random day, which is very likely not the day of Jesus's birth, so meaningful? Why do people go into debt and travel mile upon mile and gorge on antacids? What exactly are we celebrating with our bizarre rituals?
Finally, my thoughts swirled around in my very tiny brain and left me with pictures and concepts and awe. Why would the very Creator of the entire cosmos humble Himself to undergo thirty-three years of humanity? This is the God who created the miracle of birth, and submitted His power, His Spirit and His divine personality to this mind-blowing, painful process.
This God of the universe created miles of blood vessels and arteries and the automatic, constant circulation within them that keeps us alive. This God subjected Himself to this marvelous spider web, and then He allowed Himself to be crucified so that the life-giving, life-saving, life-altering blood that He dressed Himself with was shed for you and for me. The God who gave sight to the blind, and still does, was Himself blind for months while inside His human mother's womb. Jesus, who opened ears, and still does, was Himself in a muffled "universe" until He was forced into a cold, startling world. The God who raised the dead was powerful enough to submit to His own death and powerful enough to crush it beneath His heel when He stood on that Sunday morning.
And He did this for me. Knowing who I am. Who I should be. What I did last week, the unkind thoughts I entertain, the selfishness that pumps through my life....He knows. And He did this for me. I haven't fooled God into thinking I'm better than what I am. He sees right through me. And praise His Holy Name...He wanted a relationship with me anyway. I am a ridiculous sheep. And He knows all about sheep and He knows how to help them, and how to heal them, and how to talk to them.
This "Day" we celebrate isn't about a date. Or the time of year. Or even the warm, fuzzy memories we make. This DAY is about Jesus becoming flesh and living perfectly because we can't. And it's about Him taking on that flesh and blood so He could use every bit of it to pay for my sins and yours. It's about Him being the author and creator, the King of kings and Lord of lords. It's all about Him. Thank you, Jesus. Inadequate words from a very full heart.
Merry CHRISTmas to you all.