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Change. I've learned to embrace it, ride it out til the end. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming, other times weeping with my eyes clinched tight. Once in awhile I ride like a dog in a car, head out the window snorting what life has to offer. Mother to young adult children, a marriage of thirty years, and a desert to mountain to valley waltz with God have shaped me into someone I never imagined I'd be. Life is short and I want to live it. Tears, sighs, laughter and change. Every morsel granted to me. Scrambled, shaken or stirred.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Scribbles and Scrambles - Taking My Checkerboard and Leaving


Does anything get any more heart-rending than parenting? I suppose marriage comes in a close second.

But right now I’m a parent who’d like to take my checkerboard and go home.

Unfortunately, I can’t afford the tiny apartment; so I’ll be staying put.

I feel like I owe a public apology to God.

God, I’m sorry for all the times I’ve clenched my fists and raged at You. I’m sorry I’ve accused You of not loving me because You say no. I’m sorry for not trusting that You say no because yes will gut me and leave me squirming in spiritual, emotional or physical agony or a nice mix of all of the above.

Do you ever find it amazing that God only flooded the earth once? If it were up to me, I’d probably start over with a literal clean slate every generation. Why would God, who can even see our yucky thoughts not only LET us populate His earth, but send His Son into it to offer salvation?

And our response is a lot like a snotty, selfish teenager or a defiant three-year-old…You haven’t done enough God! I want my way. NOW!

Please forgive us. Thank You for Your great mercy which keeps lightning bolts and floods restrained.