Change. I've learned to embrace it, ride it out til the end. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming, other times weeping with my eyes clinched tight. Once in awhile I ride like a dog in a car, head out the window snorting what life has to offer. Mother to young adult children, a marriage of thirty years, and a desert to mountain to valley waltz with God have shaped me into someone I never imagined I'd be. Life is short and I want to live it. Tears, sighs, laughter and change. Every morsel granted to me. Scrambled, shaken or stirred.
Friday, February 11, 2011
I experienced a sweet and weird God moment yesterday. A woman, whom I've not had a comfortable relationship with, and I got together for lunch. This happened because I felt like I needed to thank her for being a blessing to my family. She is one of those very spiritual women who sometimes do the uncomfortably odd things like approach someone and tell them that she feels called to pray for them. She has been one who I have felt intimidated by, for that reason, and other reasons like my own failures and the timidity that I struggle with at times.
I, because I was supposed to tell her I was grateful for her obedience, sent her a thank you note.
A couple of weeks later she told me it had caused her to experience an interesting God encounter. And if I wanted to hear about it I should let her know. So I suggested lunch.
Turns out that when she received the thank you note, she couldn't understand it. It unsettled her. And she had to spend time in prayer over that unsettledness. And when she worked through the feelings she said she felt a physical reaction and finally, a peace. But the night before we met she couldn't sleep, and she felt queasy in the morning. I, on the other hand, felt anticipation, which is weird because, like I said, our relationship is awkward at best.
As we discussed this I remembered that this note came out of a time where I was burdened to write out notes to my near dear ones. Notes telling them that I loved them and appreciated them, etc. And she came to mind as someone I owed gratitude to. While I was writing the first notes I sobbed my way through them which was weird because I didn't think I had anything to really sob about. I was dry and at peace when I got to hers. And then I didn't see her for a few weeks and so I finally put it in the mail.
Our conversation was rich and comfortable yesterday.
We crossed a barrier of miscommunication or awkward communication that we hadn't been able to cross before. After an hour of talking, my bladder started screaming at me so I asked her to excuse me. She said she could go so I could get on with my day. I asked her to wait, told her I'd like to pray with her.
When I returned we got right to it and prayed for our families, thanked God for whatever reason He was crossing our paths, and prayed for the body of Christ. I went first and she finished. Then she said that she had gotten confirmation that this was something that God was doing, and it might be something big because her lack of sleep, her unease and her nausea told her that Satan didn't want us to work through our differences. And she had known that if she prayed with me, she'd know both where I stood, and whether or not we were going to be able to walk this new path together. That I had told her I wanted to pray completely pulled all of it together for her.
And now. I'm staring out the window at melting icicles and pondering how such a massive God Who can keep planets spinning and oceans roiling, would care so much about me, and my friend's lives and our concerns. And I don't even have a clue what He's doing. What is He going to heal, restore, fix or rework? Wow. Is He Awesome or what?