Can you teach an old dog new tricks? I think this is kind of a philosophical kind of question. Like "if a tree falls in the forest with no one around to hear it does it still make a sound?" Deep caca kind of thoughts, right? Or is an old dog = new tricks more like "what comes first, the chicken or the egg?"
Regardless, my brain hurts. For so many reasons. Right now everything makes noise whether I'm standing near it or not. The entire universe is a whooshing ocean of white noise residing in my brain. And chickens/eggs. I so don't even care.
I like to think I'm computer literate. I'd even go so far as to say computer functional. I blog, there's a certain skill set in that. I text and manage to do many things over my phone. I can operate Netflix and Hulu for my frequent mindless television binges. I can navigate FB including looking at other peoples posts and not getting confused about whether I share something on my page or a friends'. These are all signs of some level of "getting it." Right?
Enter computer program changes at work.
Enter like a stealth missile including the boom that shakes the foundations for miles around.
Our medical records system has changed. Radically. And everything. I MEAN EVERYTHING we now do at work has shifted and turned upside down and inside out. We are now part of a huge machine. From an independent office of 15 people with two/three/five bosses to hundreds of bosses. Seriously. From clicking on a Staples link with pictures and descriptions to order toilet paper to an old school ordering system that has random and obscure clues so when I try to order date stickers for x-ray envelopes I get one choice. One that is 5 times the price and will require a cupboard instead of a file folder. And that's after I jump through 5 hoops to get them added to the system.
My job involves adding information into a system that is accessed by thousands of people. The click this, click this, right click, left click, change the date or else, make sure you cosign required or else for this scenario to the opposite in another window in another scenario. My trainer told me, "You got this" and left. Two days later she was back in my office. Two days after that a second trainer was in my office making me a cheat sheet of my click choices. Two days after that I got an email saying I had not updated a date in one of the three places I was supposed to so I had to cancel it and put in a new whole order with the second date. Oh, and if I save but not sign in another field I'll get put on a list. Yes. I have new lists I can be put on. Isn't the simple one list, the POOP LIST enough? Really people?
We'll see what tomorrow brings.
All this to say why this old dog didn't do any tricks last week but burn neural pathways, deal with quivering chins, and juggling what was with what is. This old dog was dog tired.
Change. I've learned to embrace it, ride it out til the end. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming, other times weeping with my eyes clinched tight. Once in awhile I ride like a dog in a car, head out the window snorting what life has to offer. Mother to young adult children, a marriage of thirty years, and a desert to mountain to valley waltz with God have shaped me into someone I never imagined I'd be. Life is short and I want to live it. Tears, sighs, laughter and change. Every morsel granted to me. Scrambled, shaken or stirred.