Oh, we are such complicated creatures aren't we?
By that I mean that we are often blind to, and if not blind, in denial of, the lies that pin us into place on the wrestling mat of life.
Whether we tell ourselves the simple, white, "lie" that tomorrow we'll make different choices, or we hunker down into the belief that we are unworthy, or that the world is against us or owes us, we end up becoming our own worst enemies. And we spin and we circle and we spiral and expend tremendous energy and we don't move forward.
I, for one, get so tired of the negative beliefs that circulate through my mind. I feel like I go two steps forward and one back far too often. That's progress, right? But then I take one step forward and three back.
This year has been a challenging one on so many levels. Music, starting a business, putting myself out there in both of these. Other issues like empty nesting and relearning being just a couple again and a different kind of a family. Job changes that feel very much like roller coasters doing loopy loops and the future promises more. We are in fields that are very much affected by politics and society...healthcare and education.
I need to stop spinning. I need to start walking toward, planning for and following through with the things that are important to me. Circumstances need to become scenery by the roadside NOT the path I walk.
Change. I've learned to embrace it, ride it out til the end. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming, other times weeping with my eyes clinched tight. Once in awhile I ride like a dog in a car, head out the window snorting what life has to offer. Mother to young adult children, a marriage of thirty years, and a desert to mountain to valley waltz with God have shaped me into someone I never imagined I'd be. Life is short and I want to live it. Tears, sighs, laughter and change. Every morsel granted to me. Scrambled, shaken or stirred.