I haven't spoken much about my foster grandchildren on the dregs. Part of me has wanted to respect & and the kids' privacy. But part of me has held back because this isn't my story to tell.
But, while I've been interacting and helping and participating something has happened. I've been living a story. I've given my heart fully away to these little ones. They are no longer foster grandchildren, they are my grandkids. Period.
Which leads me to some interesting observations.
1) I'm risking my heart. I'm going to get hurt. The tables could turn, the kids could end up being placed somewhere else. The kids could stay with our family and one or more could chose a heart crushing path. Their time in my life could be just months or years. I have no control.
2) Even though I risk pain and sorrow by loving them, I'm going to do just that. No matter what. Because my life would be less had I never had the 3 year old button champion search my shirt for buttons to practice with. Or the look of triumph on her face when she met her goal of being green at preschool. (Long story. Green is good.) Or the 6 year old's smile when he lost his first tooth. Or the hugs and kisses, or his mermish. Or the 7 year old's smile when she gets to just be a child and play, or help me make treats to take to church, or to hear the confidence in her voice as she grows into a stronger reader. Giving my heart is a bargain when I consider what I gain. The soft, tiny hands in mine. Joyful rediscovery of the old and mundane. Answering questions that force me to think first and work on the answer that will make sense. Laughter. Tenderness. Small bundles cuddling with puppies or stuffed animals, or curled up on my lap.
While I cuddle with my puppies who are so loved and spoiled I can't help but think that just until a few months ago, my grand babies weren't even treated as well as my dogs. And that stinks. Because every child in this world should have at least one human being who adores him or her. If it costs me my whole heart to be one of those people to these little humans, then it is a bargain indeed.
3) These very stark truths about love pretty much are the definition of love, aren't they? Kind of like tying my heart to a string and letting it float out of my reach.