Do you ever feel like you are a child wearing grown up shoes?
Maybe it's all the changes and constant ebb and flow of ocean waves in my life but I'm often feeling like I'm faking this adult thing.
Case in point. I've done Dexascans at my employers for a decade. I'm in a newish location with a brand new to me machine and multiple people teaching/giving me expectations for what the outcome should look like. I was the lone ranger before, doing things for my 4 providers who just wanted the bottom line data. This new adventure is for 20+ providers and radiologists and I'm no lone wolf. One trainer says to include more femur, the other says, analyze and print right away, one says wait till you are done with the whole exam. Oh, and the anatomy lessons I memorized 20+ years ago have gotten a little rusty.
I've been given the opportunity to do these alone, twice. Both times I've forgotten a detail.
Yesterday's oops was so obvious. Such an oops that I feel like a total idiot. My trainer came into the room and said "You didn't use the postioner." This is no small thing. The positioner is a massive foam block you put under the legs to put the spine in the perfect position. I have never. In the hundreds of Dexascans I've done. Forgotten that piece of the puzzle. But I think in trying to go through my mental checklist of the differences between my old machine, this new one, the expectations of the trainers and wanting to get off the remedial list I overlooked the elephant in the room then tripped and fell face down into a pile of elephant poo.
The even scarier part of this. (BTW, no patients were harmed in this process. Ha. Ha.) My new bosses want me to fully utilize the degree I have. Which means I will be on a learning curve for basically forever while I begin training on the digital x-ray unit.
Change. I've learned to embrace it, ride it out til the end. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming, other times weeping with my eyes clinched tight. Once in awhile I ride like a dog in a car, head out the window snorting what life has to offer. Mother to young adult children, a marriage of thirty years, and a desert to mountain to valley waltz with God have shaped me into someone I never imagined I'd be. Life is short and I want to live it. Tears, sighs, laughter and change. Every morsel granted to me. Scrambled, shaken or stirred.