Change. I've learned to embrace it, ride it out til the end. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming, other times weeping with my eyes clinched tight. Once in awhile I ride like a dog in a car, head out the window snorting what life has to offer. Mother to young adult children, a marriage of thirty years, and a desert to mountain to valley waltz with God have shaped me into someone I never imagined I'd be. Life is short and I want to live it. Tears, sighs, laughter and change. Every morsel granted to me. Scrambled, shaken or stirred.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
I feel guilty when I don't blog. Sigh. My computer stares at me every time I walk past like I'm forgetting to water or feed it.
So. I hope you don't mind the Plinky Prompts. Because my brain is scattered over vast terrain and I'm unable to gather enough pieces of it to be fully coherent.
Here is my plinky prompt and answer.
If you could take back something you did to someone, what would it be?
I would take back every harsh word I've ever spoken.
And there are quite a few of them.
I joke about the computer's forlorn stare. But. People are a different matter. I have seen evidence of my words bulls-eye into another person's heart. And I don't want to ever see that look again.
Once a word is spoken it can't be taken back. And sorry doesn't erase. Like a pencil pressed hard into a big chief tablet, there is evidence of what has been done.
Humor doesn't erase it either and at times only makes it worse. My kids, my husband, my parents, siblings, friends... the list is a long one. Thank, the Lord, I've gotten to where I speak less and pause before saying things I might regret. But not often enough.
My most vivid encounter, from years ago, still haunts me a little. A newish friend joined a group of women to go to a conference. As groups of women go, we were rowdy, unruly and having fun. This new girl had a little quirk. She fell asleep around 9:00 p.m., without warning, and she was out. We had fun with that. She didn't move and we played in spite of her sleeping. She then woke up at 5:00 a.m. and she woke up cheerful. She got ready and dressed and started making lots of noise. At 6:00 a.m., way too early, I woke up. And so did my bed mate. We started mumbling and grumbling about early mornings and early birds. And then I suggested to our new friend that she get a life. And it was half joking. But the look that crossed her face, the river of quiet that rose between us...and the stream of caution that remained...
I'm so glad God forgives and uses painful things to teach us wisdom.