Scrambles and Scribbles ~ Ooopssss Did I Do That?

I've taken a little break from blogging. I didn't mean to. It sort of just happened. The early mornings are so quiet in my house I could, if I chose to be super disciplined, blog every single morning. But most mornings I'd rather quietly absorb than speak. Then there's the social media overload. I feel like I'm talking too much. 

Then there's the life that is not fully mine that I live outside of my hour of quietness every morning. I never know which grandbaby I might be snuggling with after work, or what kind of day my husband has had, or which chore has to be done and it better be tonight. Or if the almost two year old will be snuggly and giving me fishy face kisses or chucking toys at any adult in his realm of rage. 

As a matter of fact, I should feel so much freer. Our church has dissolved and become home to another church. For the first time in over twenty years I am not a leader in our church. No meetings. No cleaning crew. No early arrival for practice. No committee conversations. Not one thing on my calendar I need to attend because I should show support because I'm a leader. I don't even know if "our" church is going to end up being in the same building we've worshipped in for 25 years. Church shopping is interesting. And I don't know if that's good or bad. There is something so freeing about not having someone come up to me and know who I am. I don't have labels yet while church shopping. But, I'm not a woman who loves to shop either, so there's that. 

My job has ramped up. Granted it's not a job where I'm attached to my phone 24-7. I don't have a lot of decisions to make. And it's not life or death. But it has grown to absorb more hours of my life. Something as tiny as having 1/2 hour lunch deducted whether you take a 1/2 break or not is an irksome reality and it etches out time from living my life. I don't want to sit in a break room. Or walk the halls of a clinic or absorb the outdoor air that is full of dust from construction or smoke. Leaving campus in not a reality when it takes 6 minutes to get to the office and 6 minutes to get to the car parked in employee parking. So I end up eating, chatting and heading back to my desk to at least be productive. Part of my job is trained monkeyish. I do a lot of scanning. Oh, it's necessary. And I certainly will gladly accept my paycheck that is based on my licensed skillset regardless of whether I'm actively doing a service they can bill for, or scanning, or waiting to see if a patient will show up or not. 

Then there's the work fog of being in three different locations doing different tasks in each and not really knowing what is actually on my agenda too far in advance. And the learning curve. Every last one of those situations is full of learning and correction. The policy and guidelines and expectations are clear and very black and white but while that's true, it's also true that the computer part of it all gives us three or four different ways to do the exact same thing. I find myself often accidentally discovering a short cut or another way of doing something but not really knowing how that happened or if I can remember how to do it again. 

Then the weeks of intense learning curves of late, then the plunging in and trying to translate book knowledge with a manual you cannot consult because there are literally phones ringing and impatient providers standing over you with a task that must be done now on-the-spot, hold-your-breath-and-guess training. Merging that with watching kids so mom can attend two weddings in one weekend and joining the herd for a baby shower, or softball game, or trip to Target, or dinner. And something in my very taxed brain had to give. And friends. The blog was it. 

But come back soon. Because Rob went to the lake with two grandkids and I've spent so much time with the littles and there are so many stories. I will tell them. 

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Everything That Has Breath.

Let me quote the mini-devotional in the picture in case you can't blow the picture up to read it. 

Make a Joyful Noise

"His skin is the color of dove-gray suede, a shade lighter than his oversized suit jacket. The ever-present oxygen tank that is strapped against his body hisses quietly as its transparent tubes shake around his head, over his ears and into his nostrils. One of the guys in the choir is singing a bit off-key, it might be him. Yet the smile on his face as he sings lights up his corner of the room. 

Forty-something with Down Syndrome, he could probably live a long life if it weren't for the physical problems that come with the disease. He used to run and play with the kids, now he enjoys teasing them. He is always ready with a smile, a greeting, a handshake, and a laugh. 

I don't sing in the choir. I don't feel that my voice is good enough, and I am embarrassed by what people might think. Instead, I sit in the pews -- but I get a little twinge every time I see him shuffle up the stairs to the choir loft. Maybe someday his bold example will give me the courage to try." 

I wrote this long ago. In 2006 actually. Ten long years ago.

The man I wrote about has passed away. He was an acquaintance who loved my kids and came into the clinic where I worked. Over the years I knew him he faded slowly. We randomly visited his church and I watched him in the choir that night, knowing what a struggle it must have been for him to breathe. 

He never once failed to greet me with enthusiasm, or ask about the kids. Right up until he flew away to Jesus. 

Until I ran across the Devozine devotional magazine that paid me for my words, my story, I kind of had forgotten Dwayne. 

But. Maybe not really. I've been singing on the worship team for three years. I still don't feel confident with my voice. I still don't really know what I'm doing. But I felt like God's "Make a joyful noise" and "Let everything that has breath, Praise the Lord" mandates were meant for me. I have breath. He is worthy of praise. People like Dwayne showed me so. So I said yes. 

Finding this devotional while I purged my last round of stuff encouraged me. Because maybe though we forget some of the details of the lessons we learn, the things that are etched on our hearts through emotional connections electrifying the truth of God's Word and His promises keep sparks deep down and alive. And God doesn't forget. What we ask for in His will He will make happen. 

If you've been praying for something for a long time. Or you did pray a long time ago and have put it aside. Remember He is not constrained by time or our memories. He is a good God. Even in the midst of stinky circumstances. So I'm just going to remind myself and put it before Him again. 

Lord, Jesus. Be with our little "orphan", our littlest foster sister who is so missed, and bring her safely back or completely heal her biological parents so they can raise her in hope, in You, in Truth and in safety. I think I can say that is Your will. That she will become Yours wholeheartedly. Please make it so.  In Jesus Name, Amen. 

 

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ More Minimizing Around the Corner Comes

Another season of purging is upon me. With the prepurchase of Joshua Becker's new book, The More of Less, I was able to sign up for a 12 week challenge/class. 

The book arrived the other day and I'm two chapters in and so glad I parted with $11.00. I already have a few folks who want to read it when I'm done. So I'm excited about that, too. I can share the information. 

What speaks to me in what I've read is the fact that too much stuff can crush our mission, our passion, our very lives. If I, as I strongly believe, have a path already set out for me before my birth. And that God has uniquely created me for that path, then the clutter of life distracts me and keeps me from finding the bumps and turns and twists of that path. 

The fact that so much of that stuff is just an annoyance. Things I don't love, things I have to move over and over again. Things. Cheaply made, ill-fitting, items I don't enjoy. Just stuff that takes up space in my physical, emotional and mental world...it just needs to go. 

Even more reason to get rid of stuff. 

I'll keep you posted. In the meantime I'm going to be Unflattering and shedding some stuff this weekend.