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Change. I've learned to embrace it, ride it out til the end. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming, other times weeping with my eyes clinched tight. Once in awhile I ride like a dog in a car, head out the window snorting what life has to offer. Mother to young adult children, a marriage of thirty years, and a desert to mountain to valley waltz with God have shaped me into someone I never imagined I'd be. Life is short and I want to live it. Tears, sighs, laughter and change. Every morsel granted to me. Scrambled, shaken or stirred.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Life Lesson #5

It's been gifted to us. We have some ownership over it. And we have a huge responsibility to not waste it. 

What is living life, Alex? 

Yes. My number #5 is that life is given to be lived. Embraced. Wrestled into submission. Owned. Whatever that looks like for each individual person, or not, life is a GIFT. 

Working in health care has introduced me to a whole lot of different people personalities and commonalities.  My 90 something patients that come in to see the doctor are more likely than not fully confident in their state of being. They actively pursue their interests and vehemently refuse to compromise. I think those who reach way up there on the age chart are those who are stubborn enough to stand firm on what they believe and feisty enough to tell it like it is, in their "humble opinion" at least.  Not that all 90+ have lived their lives giving, loving and being a blessing...nope...my friend's 90+ year old mom is a piece of work who just keeps on a ticking. But. I'm guessing my friend's mom will more than likely be stubborn and argumentative until the day she breathes her last. But it might be that stubborn spirit that is the key. So many compromise, lay down, give up and concede. Whether the war of life overcomes them, or treading water in someone else's expectations, they give up, give in. 

The past fews years have become transitional for Rob and I. The kids are out of the house, we are alone for the first time since early marriage and are discovering exactly what being alone means. Then we became Beagle parents, then overnight grandparents to three. I've found myself growing more and more stubborn and outspoken. I'm no longer trying to be nice and just get along, when that means compromising on something that is important to me.  I've struggled through music lessons that still haven't made me a comfortable musician but dang it, I'm stinking trying. I'm less inclined to play the game of growing a readership even though I have some platforms to do so. I'm still cooking and creating but sharing less because that's just a part of me and either I've done what I set out to do for me and mine or others do it better. 

There are so many parts of me.  I want to be authentic and real. And I think it's okay for me to admit that I have very few answers. And spouting off religious or popular platitudes isn't what I want to offer to the world. I want to tell the truth, maybe truth you don't agree with, but that's okay. I want to grow and embrace the relationships I have with my kids and their kids. I want to not play church but be part of the church, the one that changes lives. I don't want to give all my energy to crap. That way I have the energy required for someone else's need. More that half my life is over. I want to live it well and I want to wring all the life and love and joy out of it. When I'm dead, I want there to be a clearly empty shell of a life lived to the fullest. And I want the lingering fragrance of my life to be that of sunshine and rain and hope and love. 

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