Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Something Has to Change - How?

One of the biggest issues I've encountered with trouble in foster care is burn out. Several of my friends and family members have been foster care parents, or temporary family homes for foster children. Both in Iowa and Nebraska. In cases where those folks have stepped away from the system it's because they have witnessed the case of a child or children being returned to a very broken family scenario and they've lost heart.

Foster parents are expected to love a child like it is their own but remember it is not. What a wonderfully impossible goal. But that goal exists because reunification is the best alternative and the legal best outcome in Iowa. So helplessly, a foster parent watches a child return to a home where they will likely be fed, clothed, cleaned and nurtured in a way that is not going to lead to a successful outcome.

Some children are resilient and can overcome great odds and grow up to be super achievers if given a few breaks. Others will end up in defeat sinking into the road cut for them by nature and it turns out nurture. We have reached a point in the foster care system where many of todays parents of children going into or residing long term in foster care have been foster care children themselves.  Multiple generations of children in foster care might mean that the system is broken or breaking.

Not every foster care child has a safe family that is willing to adopt them. Which means that if termination happens, they become wards of the state or "legal orphans" as stated in an article I read. In this scenario is a broken, possibly dangerous family a better outcome than a facility?

Federal foster care laws state that termination must happen if a child spends 15 of the previous 22 months in foster care. Each state interprets that statement its own way.

What to do? Is there a solution that can lead to a better outcome?

to be continued

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Change Foster Care, How?

Foster care goals, laws and interpretation of those laws vary state to state. Information I'm researching tells a convoluted story. One article stated that some states are up to 25 times more efficient in the severing of parental rights. But then went on to tell a story of an eleventh hour decision to give a mother of several one more chance. And she took it and turned everything around.

Therein lies the problem.

How many chances do we give? What things should be on the nevermore list? What portion or percentage of a child's life is okay for experimentation? Because putting children into emotionally charged, emotionally dangerous or troubling situations is experimentation isn't it?

West Virginia and Oklahoma have high parental rights terminations but they also have some of the highest rates of drug overdose deaths. And Oklahoma has high women incarcerations as well.  Both states also have some financial woes that may effect the funds available to help those families.

Here is what I see on this side of foster care in my world, finances in action. The foster care parents receive a daily stipend per child that covers room and board and basics. Bigger ticket items like child care (state registered), some clothing (a small yearly allowance) and certain other items like after school activities are reimbursable. As a tax payer, I'm okay with this. I also see the value in the involvement of social workers. After all, someone needs to manage a system to keep folks from taking advantage of it, because unfortunately, that's pretty people like. Using. Taking care of number one. Grasping the American dream at all costs i.e. making an easy buck.

Even with the watchdogs there are abuses. Foster care parents haven't always done foster care for the benefit of the child, instead they look at it as a money maker. Tragic. This is why rules and regulations have been put into place to monitor foster parents. And they do. Monitor. Very thoroughly, based on my small awareness of how the system runs. The foster care parents are pretty regulated. Those that care really follow the rules, those that don't work around them. Life. Yep. The quality rise to the top, the bottom dwellers sink to the bottom.

All this regulation costs loads of money. Salaries of the gatekeepers, the rule makers, the regulation drafters. Those add up. Each foster family has involvement with a few agencies. And three or more social workers. The foster parents have a staff foster care advocate. The children have a foster care manager and a transport/interactive social worker. Others are involved with different scenarios as well. Then there is counseling. Each child is offered counseling. This is not always taken advantage of, but it's available.

I can understand why quick termination is beneficial to states with tight budgets. But is that the best deciding factor?

to be continued....

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Something Needs to Change ~ Part 3

Foster Care was around in sort as early as the mid 1500's. 

Children were placed into homes where they could earn their keep as indentured servants. The document I've read said that this was a positive, got the children out of almshouses where they were unprotected from the unthinkable. 

In the mid-1800's New York Children's Aid Society was created due to the number of immigrant children on the streets. From there other states began to adopt their own versions of foster care.

Reunification of biological families is the end goal of foster care. There are issues that can void this goal. If a parent has killed another one of their children. Extreme abuse. Commission of a felony that resulted in injury to the child. Another big one, a registered sex offender (but only in three states). 

When I expressed concern over the psyches, the emotional upheaval of the children in our life, when their biological parents behaved badly, a social worker told me something pretty horrific. She said that the emotional well-being of the child is not part of the reunification goal. Imminent danger is the only consideration. Poor parenting, semi-neglect, indifference, lack, none of those are issues that derail the reunification process. 

to be continued...

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Something Needs to Change - Part 2

Foster care has been around for over 100 years.

A lot has changed in 120ish years. Can I hear an amen?

From horse and buggy to three car garages. From one room schoolhouses where teachers often started teaching at age 16 with nothing more than an aptitude for learning and the ability to stay in school beyond the 8th grade to schools that provide computers to each student. From airplanes becoming available for passengers to some folks flying more than they drive. From a computer the size of a room to one the size of a watch. Information over a hundred years ago taking weeks, sometimes months, to today where we can know about a crisis across the globe in real time. A whole lot of change.

A hundred years ago a family often consisted of multiple generations under one roof or same neighborhood. I'm not suggesting there weren't huge problems, some people have always been capable of breathing life, others more inclined to suck the marrow from the bones of their victims. Clearly so many children needed care that the foster system was developed to meet that need. There has always been child endangerment, broken people and darkness to contend with. 

I'm also not suggesting that the system, as it was created, wasn't a great idea. Nor am I saying that there should be no such thing as foster care. Not at all. 

But because something started over 100 years ago and people are going to be people, does that mean we have to allow it continue as it has for decades without common sense changes?

One hundred years ago children were being orphaned by early parental death due to diseases and dangerous working conditions. Today it seems as if drugs are taking the parents. Not really taking them, just their ability to parent, their desire to protect their children, sometimes their very souls. A goal of reunifying a family is a lovely, lovely thing. It makes sense. Especially if all members of that family are on board that train. But my concern is that many of these today parents would rather play the system, or retain their rights, or be left alone to their addiction rather than suck it up and create a safe place for their children. 




to be continued

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Something Needs to Change Part 1

I have become very interested in an area of law and politics lately.

The Foster Care system.

My little voice isn't going to make a change, but my little voice isn't the lone voice in the wilderness, either. Change needs to happen. And maybe the more we talk about it the more it's likely to happen.

I may spend a few days (or a few weeks) talking about this issue that is so very close to my heart. I hope you will be enlightened with what I find out about the current challenges in a very real area that impacts so very many people.

If you wonder about the far reaching impact of dysfunction, addiction, broken homes etc on society I invite you to look around. How many coworkers, family members, friends and distant relatives do you know who have been touched by alcoholism, abuse, drug addictions, poverty and mental illness? I dare say those who have suffered from any of these issues outnumbers those who have not experienced one of these harsh realities.

Let's be real. We are all broken to some degree. Perseverance, resilience, faith, hope, loving people who step into the gap, are some of the ways many of us can function in life. Others don't function. Broken too deeply they turn to the vast menu of substances, addictions and anti-coping methods.

If it was just those folks, choosing to self-medicate or hide from reality, I don't think we'd have a problem. But we do have a problem. For starters let's call it collateral damage.

Collateral damage is a military term. I use it because it's a comment made by a foster care parent when she wondered if the decision being made on the behalf of a child was the best decision for the child. The term collateral damage was used to describe the unfortunate impact on the child and siblings.

collateral damage

n.

Unintended damage, injuries, or deaths caused by an action, especially unintended civilian casualties caused by amilitary operation.

American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. Copyright © 2011 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

I don't know about you, but this is unacceptable to me. This baby in this picture is real. And she is precious.

To be continued.

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Kidstory

X-ta asked me in yesterday's comment what I should be called now. 

Well, I have a story. 

After the adoption was final, when the children were invited by the judge to bang the gavel, and the clapping of the 60+ onlookers died down, Daniel came up to me and said, "Kelly!"

I said, "Hey, I'm your forever grandma now. You can't call me Kelly anymore. So how about grandma?" 

He made a face. He's good at those. "Nah!"

"I heard the French word for grandma is ma mere how about that one?"

He shook his head rapidly. I tried again, "Nana?" 

A head tilt and frown. "So what would you like to call me?" I finally asked.

A huge grin replaced the frown. "Poo Poo" 

"You want to call me Poo Poo?" 

His little sister joined him. They both nodded enthusiastically. 

So, X-ta. You can call me Poo Poo! 

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Ours

My daughter started her foster care journey exactly two years ago. For her first month she did respite care for a family of foster kids whose foster home had gotten damaged in a tornado. It was a great practice run with adorable kids. The night before their foster mom's home was ready for them to return my daughter got another call. 

Three little kids, ages 7 thru barely 3 were in need of a home for a few months. They had been in more than one foster care home. And there were behaviors, they warned. 

And we wondered what kind of behavior problems we adults might have if we had been removed and moved as many times as they had in a year. 

Something to think about. 

In the last two years my heart has broken and grieved. It has hoped and despaired. It has soared with feelings I just can't even put into words. 

Last Thursday, after 914 days in the foster care system, they were adopted into our family. 

I am so blessed.