Our lives can become bleak.
I have felt like a fish in the bottom of a boat, out of the water, gasping for air even though I am surrounded by it. I have felt like the gray, filthy days of winter will never leave, that the trees will never bud, that the sun will refuse to ever shine again.
Some of the most powerful moments in my life have come when I've nearly given up hope.
My husband and I had some really, really rough spots in our marriage. Honestly, we should have gotten divorced, twice. But, and when I say this I'm not being flippant or pious or holy, I really mean it, God literally held things together.
Because we were both doing our best to destroy our family.
One of the darkest moments happened when he was actively drinking and not sure he wanted a family anymore. We'd been separated and he had come to visit the kids, and as regularly happened, he and I fought.
The baby started to cry. I was so ticked, I started to cry. He flipped both hands in the air in angry surrender and headed to the door, to escape. Our three-year-old began to weep. "Don't leave, Daddy!" He wailed over and over. My husband walked out the door and shut it behind him and didn't look back.
How could we come back from that? It was the ultimate statement.
My life was a bleak gray, filthy mess. No sun. No singing birds. No smiles. No joy.
But the next morning the sun did rise. And I got out of bed. And the following morning the routine happened again. Eventually, a small flame of hope ignited in me. And even though it was so hard, life was put back together again.
That wasn't the only hard time. And I'm not a remarkable woman. I just did what I had to do to survive and eventually, beauty grew and God painted something amazing.
My blessings overflow. And God has created a family that basks in His love. I need His love like I need the air I breathe.
There are miracles all around us. And we become so tunnel-focused and insulated that we forget all about the wonder, the awe, the breathtaking, that is ours to notice.
When was the last time you truly focused on the exact here and now, and marveled in it?
I am so prone to going through the motions. The sun rises. The sun sets. I tell my near dear ones that I love them, and sometimes, it's reflexive. My prayers become lists of what I'd like the God of the universe to do. Even the act of kissing my husband goodbye is often just blah. This, of course, is the same man who can leave me starry-eyed and slightly dizzy.
Everything just becomes routine and the miracles, the special, the wonder, gets lost.
Live in the moment. Taste that first sip of coffee and feel the warmth travel down your throat, smell it, enjoy it. Kiss your significant other like you mean it. Like you really want to take a part of him or her with you through your day. Tell someone you love them, and remember why you love them. Notice the sunrise. Or the puffy clouds floating above the earth. Listen for the singing of birds, or the sweet voice of the child in the other room. Pray like you have a relationship with God....like your relationship is important to you, not because of what He could do for you, but because of who He is. Sing. Just because.
Embrace wonder. It might just change your day.
My vision is SO distorted. This picture is how I see my world. Wavy lines, twisted shadows, and an almost unrecognizable image.
My worldview, my personality, my experiences, my circumstances all pull at my senses so that what I see is a shadow of what is.
I find it fascinating that the Bible tells me I see things as puzzling reflections. Almost as if God understands my condition and that He is willing and able to work on my vision for and with me.
You know what truly amazes me? God knows me completely. And He loves me, anyway. And I can say that about you, too. Regardless of how we see things, what images and shadows and distortions we hide from or shadow box....we are loved. We are valuable to the God of the universe.
What big confusing mirror image would you like to have straightened out? Maybe you should talk to God about that.
Have a great weekend.
Boredom can suck the joy right out of life.
We need to know enough about our limitations and bents so that we can thrive in the things we choose to do with our time. And in the things we need to do with our time.
Now. That said. I had a conversation with a friend who has taken on a two year project that requires her to do data entry and fix accounts. And she hates it. The job is self-directed and she is in a small room with two others but little interaction. And one coworker plays music she doesn't care for. She said she's thinking about finding a different job.
This woman loved her previous tasks...was a cheerleader for her company just a few short weeks ago.
I've been in her shoes. A job that doesn't fit chafes like cheap wedges or tight polyester pants on a ninety degree day. And I've been painted into the tiny corner where I wanted to leave a job so much that I took a significant pay cut and would have considered any job just to escape.
What was my problem? Terrible fit. And here's the rub. I love a creative outlet. I NEED a creative outlet and these jobs had plenty of creativity. But...here was my pattern. Assess. Dream. Plan. Pull off. Rest. Assess. Dream. Make it better. Rest. Assess. Recognize that I had done it, done it better, and reached a wall.
My job, creative as it was, lacked the carrot that kept me chasing after the challenge.
And then I began to hate my job, finding the negatives, picking apart the details, and planning my escape.
I'd like to help my friend avoid this scenario because her current duties aren't a good fit in a company she loves.
Here is the advice I gave her.
Challenge herself to crack a two-year job out quicker and with greater efficiency so she can cross names off her list, turn the paper work over and shorten her pile, and move to a task that fits her better. She's a natural list maker and does like a good detail, so this could help.
Communicate: I suggested that she talk to her supervisor and tell him or her that she is struggling. After all, no one wants to lose a great employee over a misfit job description.
Creativity: I also told her to take frequent mental health breaks. To put ear phones in and listen to music that makes her feel alive instead of suffocated. To find the areas where she can stretch and grow and learn.
My current position is not creative in nature. However, it constantly challenges me and I learn something new every day. As I've told you before, one of my hot buttons is learning. I love learning. Medicine is a field that will never bore me.
Do you love your job? Aspects of it? Can you tweak something small that will add joy to your job?
How do you feel right now?
Exhausted, overwhelmed, overextended, bored, or on top of the world?
Maybe you need to give yourself permission to take a long nap. Lack of sleep or rest can suck the life right out of life. If your sleep account is overdrawn, schedule a day of rest in your very near future or go to bed an hour earlier every night for a week. Avoid caffeine after lunch if you are sensitive to the effects. Or quit playing the snooze alarm game and just set your alarm for a half hour later than normal so your last half hour is actual sleep. Look at your productivity levels. Do you feel most productive in the morning? Do you love to work with the midnight oil burning? Rearrange some of your duties and responsibilities to fit into those times of productivity.
Overwhelmed and overextended are danger signs. Can you escape some duties that are flexible, rethink the way you do a task or give some details away to another person? Or choose to make those details unimportant for a period of time. Your well-being and sanity are more important than tiny details.
When was the last time you listened to the cues your body is sending you? Do you regularly hit a mid-afternoon slump? Or a mid-morning crash? Eating breakfast, or adding protein to and cutting out processed white flour, white sugar from the food you do eat could make all the difference in how you feel? Try water instead of soda at lunch. Look for lunches that contain real food, not highly processed fast and hot "meals", or chemical concoctions that do not give your body the fuel it needs.
I spent a lot of time at the coffee shop yesterday. I had my pre-work hour long shift, went to work, and then worked a closing shift for someone who needed me to.
It was a full day. On top of that, I had an article I had to write/finish with a deadline of this morning.
Stress was part of the day. Plenty of stress, self-imposed. I've had a month to work on the article, and I did, for the most part. The article involves reading a book, and coming up with recipes that dovetail with the book for book club meetings. So, I used lots of brain cells trying to get this all done. I finished trying out the recipes this weekend and they were typed in, tweaked and ready to go. However, the article itself needed writing. I wanted the extra shift at the coffee shop and work-work was still a large pile of things that needed to be done.
So I chose to have a good attitude, and to let the details fall into place, and just do what I could to the best of my ability to do it. I also chose to pray about those details, because frankly, I need all the help I can get.
And. At eleven o'clock at night I was in bed with all the things done I needed to get done.
And I managed to have some pretty meaningful conversations throughout the day. Had I chosen to stress about my to-do list I'm afraid it would have been an entirely different scenario altogether. My conversations would have been peppered with self-defeat, anxious thoughts, and probably lots of spinning tires with no forward motion.
Do you have a looming burden? Have you prayed about it? Can you take one step at a time and whittle away until it seems less threatening? Maybe spending a peaceful hour at a coffee shop or discussing things over with a someone is what you need.
Mondays can feel insurmountable.
If your weekend was busy enough that you could not accomplish all you set out to do, let alone have an opportunity to relax, Monday can fall like an avalanche.
But, Monday is just another day. We have given it significance greater than it deserves.
Think about it. Monday (and Friday) are just days. And each day is a gift. And each day has it's own blessings and it's own trials. Don't let the Mondays in life steal the choice you have to look for the blessings. Don't put your life on hold waiting for the Fridays to begin living. And don't put off the choices that you should make on Wednesday until next Monday. Look up. Look to the source of hope and help you have. Look for the blessings in your day. They are there, maybe buried under the rubble of a disappointing weekend or a pile of work that has piled up on your desk, but they are there, just look.
