I experienced a sweet and weird God moment yesterday. A woman, whom I've not had a comfortable relationship with, and I got together for lunch. This happened because I felt like I needed to thank her for being a blessing to my family. She is one of those very spiritual women who sometimes do the uncomfortably odd things like approach someone and tell them that she feels called to pray for them. She has been one who I have felt intimidated by, for that reason, and other reasons like my own failures and the timidity that I struggle with at times.
I, because I was supposed to tell her I was grateful for her obedience, sent her a thank you note.
A couple of weeks later she told me it had caused her to experience an interesting God encounter. And if I wanted to hear about it I should let her know. So I suggested lunch.
Turns out that when she received the thank you note, she couldn't understand it. It unsettled her. And she had to spend time in prayer over that unsettledness. And when she worked through the feelings she said she felt a physical reaction and finally, a peace. But the night before we met she couldn't sleep, and she felt queasy in the morning. I, on the other hand, felt anticipation, which is weird because, like I said, our relationship is awkward at best.
As we discussed this I remembered that this note came out of a time where I was burdened to write out notes to my near dear ones. Notes telling them that I loved them and appreciated them, etc. And she came to mind as someone I owed gratitude to. While I was writing the first notes I sobbed my way through them which was weird because I didn't think I had anything to really sob about. I was dry and at peace when I got to hers. And then I didn't see her for a few weeks and so I finally put it in the mail.
Our conversation was rich and comfortable yesterday.
We crossed a barrier of miscommunication or awkward communication that we hadn't been able to cross before. After an hour of talking, my bladder started screaming at me so I asked her to excuse me. She said she could go so I could get on with my day. I asked her to wait, told her I'd like to pray with her.
When I returned we got right to it and prayed for our families, thanked God for whatever reason He was crossing our paths, and prayed for the body of Christ. I went first and she finished. Then she said that she had gotten confirmation that this was something that God was doing, and it might be something big because her lack of sleep, her unease and her nausea told her that Satan didn't want us to work through our differences. And she had known that if she prayed with me, she'd know both where I stood, and whether or not we were going to be able to walk this new path together. That I had told her I wanted to pray completely pulled all of it together for her.
And now. I'm staring out the window at melting icicles and pondering how such a massive God Who can keep planets spinning and oceans roiling, would care so much about me, and my friend's lives and our concerns. And I don't even have a clue what He's doing. What is He going to heal, restore, fix or rework? Wow. Is He Awesome or what?
5) Asking God to reveal things that don't please Him, weaknesses I'm unaware of, deceptions I live as truth....WHAM...those requests have painful consequences...at first. But the truth does set free and the truth is bedrock.
I would rather have the ugly truth than a sanitized, be-ribboned lie. And the ugly truth turns beautiful in the hands of the God of grace and mercy. His truth is worth seeking.
4) Praying for someone, the kinds of prayers that ask for blessings of awareness and spiritual health, and knowledge of how big our God is...those kinds of prayers stir things up.
It's very different, and not very costly, to say, "Dear Lord, please bless so and so." So general, so little in the ripple department. After six months of focused prayer we saw relationships twist and turn as God moved in those lives. And even better, we saw God change the way we looked at things, circumstances and other people.
Prayer works. Not as a magic wand. Not exactly as we laid out on our request lists in every case, but in all situations, according to God's big-picture plan. And faithfully praying gave us the opportunity to be blessed by being involved in God's plans.
3) Relationships do not need money or expensive pursuits to be relationships. Tea at home, a phone call, praying for someone, loaning them a book, reading out loud from a book, a walk in the sunshine, a drive, a quick note, speaking blessings into lives, smiles...the list is endless.
Relationships are built through time, love and connectedness. Money is icing on the cake and icing is often overkill.
2) I have limited control. Basically, the only control I have is over my own choices. Not my life, not my future, not even my present. Only the choices I make. I can even make all the "right" choices and end up with the unexpected. Or I can even make "poor" choices and be blessed with things I do not deserve and have not earned.
Bottom line. I am still responsible for what I say and what I do whether it's a "reaction," planned out pro-activity, or the best choice of three not so great options.
But, God does see the full picture, the tiny details and the outcome. And I can trust Him with all of those.
1) What we do today bleeds into all our tomorrows. Working out, passing up unneeded bargains, eating at home, praying for a loved one, or difficult one I should love. Every one of those choices has a cumulative effect that makes for a healthier life for me and my family. The opposite choices have an impact as well, negatively.
This reminds me of the C.S.Lewis quote. "every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that changes into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or a hellish creature."
Interestingly but not surprisingly, the six month Cut the Crapola journey ended up being 99% about the journey and 1% about the results.
That said. I was pretty arrogant to think I could just set out to "change" anything. Sometimes change is simply choosing the better option which moves us slowly in tiny, increments of growth, towards a very distant, long-term goal.
My goals were more nebulous and less defined than the 20 somethings. Even then, six months was not enough. Overall I will say I won't be running a 5K tomorrow but could walk one and run parts, exactly where I was six months ago. My body size has remained pretty much the same, but I think my heart grew a bit. I won't be playing violin at a concert anytime soon but I have slowly and deliberately taken time to reacquaint myself with an instrument I used to hate but now regret hating. My fingers and mind are reawakening to the idea of making music, someday, if I don't give up. My bank account acts as if it didn't know there had been a budget imposed on it. But less eating out has reminded us that what is prepared at home is actually better or at least as good as what is offered at restaurants.
I will be sharing the ten major things I took away from my Cut the Crapola fast over the next few weeks.
