Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Super Toe to the Rescue

In case you can't tell by the graphic picture, I have a purple toe. Yes, my ring toe (what else do you call it?) was the victim of a smash and bash today.

My sweet daughter, Ms. 21, broke her pinkie toe several weeks ago. It is healing nicely but still not a happy camper, or walker...definitely not kicker. She refers to it as her grape toe. Her story, she was in a rush and ran to get a phone and as she turned a corner, she made it, all but her pinkie.

You'd think a tiny little appendage wouldn't stop an entire human in their tracks. This one did.

Much babying, taping and icing later, she has managed to snag that little sucker only three or four more times. Not pretty.

She claims I could have been more sympathetic. Whatever.

So today, 21 and I took Lily and Lola out on the town. They went through the bank drive-thru and got a puppy treat and oohs and ahhs. Then we went to Petsmart and they got to pick out a toy to share, some "new baby" gifts for a new cousin and a big bag of treats. Fun. Fun. They spent a little time in the car with Grandma (me) while Mommy went into Best Buy (No dogs allowed. The nerve.) They got lunch leftovers and then we headed home.

For some strange reason the puppies, the 70-pound puppies scattered once they were out of the car. First to go potty. Good Girls! Then to sniff and walk the yard parameters.

I held several shopping bags and had my left foot up on the bottom concrete step, readying to go into the house when Lily walked toward me. She then executed some clumsy maneuver and fell. Down two steps. She landed squarely on my ring toe. Bam.

She immediately got up, shook it off and carried on with her doggie business. Thank heavens my toe was there to break her fall.

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Monday Hee, Hee

Some Mondays are only tolerable when you've got a friend along for the ride.

Super Cinema Saturday ~ Nim's Island

My Review:

I'm sitting on the fence. I liked Nim's Island because it feels a little bit like Holes. Hovering around the real and blending with fantasy and quirky visuals, this story is an exercise in imagination and is entertaining most of the time.

I liked the casting overall. Jodie Foster played the angst-ridden adventure novelist with the whole gamut of human emotion. Gerard Butler got to exercise his acting muscles as well. I appreciated the ingenuity and attitude that Abigal Breslin as Nim Russo displays. A breath of fresh air when so many of our kids are bored even with all the technology and toys that money can buy.

The value of family and the importance of others in life is an underlying theme that strengthens the movie.

The negatives...well, there was really only one. I really struggled with not getting sucked into the story. I spent more time "yeah-right"ing than buying what was going on. The frantic pace of parts of the movie, the outlandish happenings and the blending with the real made it almost feel like a tall-tale that doesn't quite get beyond a middling-tale.

Parents of four to ten year-olds (depending on maturity level) will likely find Nim's Adventure to be a treat for the whole family. If my kids were younger, I'd probably purchase Nim's Island.

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Happy Friday Dance....

You gotta admit this is pretty amusing. And it takes no effort on my part to present it and yours to watch it.

Win -- win, eh what?

Happy weekend.

Scribbles and Scrambles ~ Even More Adventures of Toad-Boy and Grasshopper

My final Grasshopper story involves fancy footwork. In our backyard stands a huge tree that has held several swings over the years. The favorite was wide enough to seat two. The kids discovered that they could drape themselves facedown over the seat and spin, twisting the swing tighter and tighter to create a nauseating thrill ride.

Hours of twirling toward hurling kept my life peaceful. If you are a mother you understand the value of childish, mindless activities that don't trigger ADHD or generally kill brain cells.

Grasshopper was tall enough that he could twist so tight and twirl so long we all began to watch his performances with awe. "Surely, this will be his last trip." "I can't believe he hasn't tossed his cookies." Among the comments from onlookers.

Then he added special footwork to his repertoire. To enhance the ultimate thrill, he rode it out to the end, using his feet to keep momentum and control. That day Tree Riverdance was born. If I want a laugh from my son, all I have to do is say, "Riverdance."

Serials and Spoofarios ~ Shal Lowell

Here it is, Dregs readers. Don't say I didn't warn you. Day two "for my poor pregnant friend who's not dealing well with the heat."

The standard Dregs Questions and answers by Shal Lowell.

Bio: Shal Lowell is a writer, agent and is gorgeous. Enough said. Buy the book, You Don't Deserve Me, Loser.

Book, music, person, food you would take with you on a very long trip.

Me. My book and I.

Where would you most like to travel ----- moon, north pole, deep seas, deserted island, the holy land or back to a place from your childhood, somewhere else? – and why.

As long as there are maids and room service and adoring men, it really doesn't matter.

Favorite book setting and why?

Mine. Duh!

Which compliment related to your writing has meant the most and why?

At least a hundred people have told me that my book changed their lives.

(editorial note: mine, too. Please read yesterday's post....)

What criticism has cut the deepest and why?

Yeah. That's exactly what's going to happen if I get any criticism. Sure hope you are planning to write a good review.

What would you do today if you knew you had only a week to live?

Get revenge. Probably burn down my old high school.

What is your favorite word?

Shal is beautiful.

What word annoys you more than any other?

No.

Superhero you most admire and why?

My inner strength and enlightenment.

Super power you'd love to borrow for awhile?

Beauty. Oh, wait, I don't need to borrow it. I own it.

Favorite chore

Ordering my maid around.

Grammatical pet peeve…sound off.

Stupid people who like, act like, they are the grammar police. Duh!

Societal pet peeve…sound off.

Pretty much anyone who ticks me off. Oh, I hate stupid questions, too. Notice I didn't answer very many of yours.

Creative Corner: Pick one and have fun with it.

Two middle-aged females talking animatedly. One wears a very short skirt, and she ought not to be……………. Give me a scene, dialogue, characterization, drama……

Hello! Liposuction. Or better yet, a new planet for ugly people.

It was a damp and dismal afternoon. (Yes, as in It was a dark and stormy night : ) )

And Jackson went outside to stalk me again. After being stalked by over a thousand men this month, I'd had it. I flung open the door and screamed, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" loudly and then I burst into tears. I hate that I inherited my sensitive nature from my mother.

Jackson put his hands up. "I'm sorry. I don't want to bug you but you've cast some sort of spell on me because of your great beauty. What can I do to make you mine?" He said pathetically and desperately.

"How much money do you have? Because without big bucks you won't even come close to this." Then I laughed and left him crying in my dust. Donald Trump doesn't even have enough money for me. And his hair...Jackson has okay hair. Maybe he needs to stalk Trump and then they'll morph into one creature with money and great hair that still won't be able to deserve me.

Serials and Spoofarios ~ You Don't Deserve Me, Loser ~ Reviewed

This spoof-e-view series is dedicated to a very pregnant friend who wants to live vicariously through mean-spirited reviews and bizarre interviews. She's moved from begging to weeping and I do not want her to try to bribe me with one of her children. My integrity can obviously be tweaked.

Readers, today, I make an exception to my normal rule of thumb. My mother raised me with Thumper's mother's admonition. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Nice in theory, but then I entered the world of 'words for sale' and the land of critique groups. Book reviews were the next step. I've learned the art of Samurai Wordfare, but I've always hesitated to get mean. After all, taste in literature (or toilet paper for that matter) is extremely subjective. So, I've made a point to not say anything at all if I can't at least say something positive, too. Until today. Today, I'm jamming Thumper's mother on a spit and slathering her in barbecue sauce. (Figuratively, of course.)

You Don't Deserve Me, Loser
Shal Lowell
Spoofara Publishing under the Gaga Growth Publishing Giant

Let me start by expressing my relief that I can spare you, dear, innocent reader from the travesty I'm about to dissect. I took one for the team and let me tell you, the nightmares are still bone-chilling, though the incessant chattering of my teeth and the weeping have subsided to a tolerable level. If you can't believe the book "You Don't Deserve Me, Loser" is as awful as I lay out in this review, come back tomorrow. Ms. Lowell answered the questions which totally confirmed my decision to be brutal in this review.

I've read hundreds of books. I have yet to encounter one that even comes close to "Deserve" which is a bizarre meld of chick-lit, lad-lit (yes, you are reading this correctly) horror and self-help with an underlying sense of responsibility shirking on the part of the author.

Often, I've scanned reviews of books that I've read and I wondered if the reviewer was talking about the same book I reviewed. Huge facts are twisted or overlooked and completely taken from left field and then these issues become ranting points. That said, I did read this book, every horrid, slimy and hideous word. During the final five chapters I made a friend call me so I was forced to give her updates on where I was in the book and what I was reading about so I'd be accountable to finish. She is no longer my friend. I'm afraid I pushed her over the edge.

The only positive I can see in this tome is that it's under 250 pages. However, given the choice to undergo serious dental work without painkillers of any kind every day for a month sounds more appealing than rereading "Deserve."

Ms. Shal Lowell's career as a supermodel turned life coach has been summed up in "Deserve." Her voice is unique which is very, very good because it is similar to a pouting two-year-old post a temper tantrum that included fire, body fluids and screeches that reach a decibel that could steal the hearing in the range equal to that of a nuclear blast. Ms. Lowell's vocabulary is slightly beyond preschool. The overall experience of her book is somewhere between the hazy hovering on the edge of wakefulness after a horrific nightmare and a very, very bad LSD flashback. In her collection of random "helpful hints," chick-lit style shopping excursions, lad-lit drinking bashes and parent/government/the man blaming, she slides in snippets of poetry.

Warning. Reading this sample may cause nausea and shortness of breath. You may want to check with your doctor first.

Your lips.
I hate them. The jiggle when I yell at you and you start to cry baby. CRY!
The dried spit crust at the corners when you yammer.
Most of all I hate your words.
You tell me about YOUR day.
YOUR DAY?!? Whatever.
Listen to ME!
I hate your lips.

Some books reach literary Nirvana in that they become nearly seamless. A mesh of characters, word-smithery, scenes that steal the breath of the reader and transport them to another time or another place. Themes that shine brightly like a brilliant sun peeking through leaves on a breezy day, casting an ever-changing trail of light for the reader to follow. Now those are books. Books that make me want to be a better person.

"You Don't Deserve Me, Loser" made me want to be a better mole. Why? Because moles can't see to read.

Finally, I need to suggest what type of reader would appreciate "Deserve." I do believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and our constitution grants us the right to share said opinion. I propose that Ms. Lowell's book would best serve society by making it a mandatory read in all prisons. I promise that if this was to be the case, re-offenders would be no more.

There are no links. I don't want you to accidentally click on something that could possibly ruin your life.